Parody of Eclipse Trailers
by overdramatic comedian
Summary: Excited for Eclipse? Something to hold you over!


**And now, the final chapter in Countdown to Eclipse: A spoof of some of the trailers! It's not really good, though. I ran out of ideas and started doing stupid stuff.**

**PS: Check out my Twilight Parody!**

**PSS: Twilight Truth or Darer will get a new chapter today!**

**PSSS: The Cullens won! Cullen domination! **

**The first trailer: (This video does not show my views on any matter!)**

(Summit logo and over view of the forest)

Narrator: And here we visit beautiful Forks, Washington where this guy that needs a brush proposes to this girl wearing a wig.

(E+B in meadow)

Edward: Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of forever. Unless you get fat or something, then it's over.

(Sun and View of Volturi walking)

Jane: Come on boys, keep up!

(Jane talking)

Jane: Does this robe make me look Emo?

(E+B standing together)

Edward and Bella: Yes.

**From that really long book.**

(B+E in her bed)

Bella: Why aren't you wearing any pants?

(E+B's faces)

Edward: I feel freer this way.

(B+C and B+R)

Edward: After 100 years, you feel trapped.

(B+J at lake)

Jacob: Kiss me sexy! I'm in love with you and I want you to choose me instead of him.

**It all began with two testosterone-filled guys.**

(E+J talking)

Jacob: You've got to consider the idea that my p***** is bigger than yours.

(B's face)

Edward: No!

**On June 30**

(E walking)

Bella: Edward, I'm pregnant

(V jumping over lake)

Victoria: Jealous?

(B looks up)

Bella: no.

(E talking)

Edward: Get an abortion

(B talking)

Bella: Jacob's the father

(J talking)

Jacob: I'm going to fight for that baby, until it's heart stops beating

**The Twilight Saga: Eclipse**

**06:30:10**

**The second trailer:**

(J walking)

Bella: Jacob, what's up?

Jacob: I'm here to tell you.

Edward: Just leave.

Jacob: She has a right to know.

Bella: What?

(Seattle)

Edward: Last night, I ran into my buddy Sancho. He wanted his money.

(Newborns car)

Newborns: We da sh*t

(Cullens)

Carlisle: Why are all of you so F*cking stupid?

Bella: We're sorry Daddy.

(A talking)

Alice: Let's go to McDonald's!

(C talking)

Carlisle: Shut up you stupid b*tch!

Jacob: Sweet. Eddie Jizzed in his pants while looking at my abs. Gay.

(E's face)

Edward: Shut up.

(Newborns coming out of water)

Random newborn: Couldn't we just go around?

Riley: Silence!

(Volturi)

Felix: Hi!

Jane: Goodbye.

(Vampires running)

Random Newborn: I'm winning!

**The really cool movie**

**That no one cares about**

(V climbing up tree)

Victoria: I'm safe up here. Never mind.

(Wolves attacking newborns)

Newborn: Oh Sh*t!

**The Twilight Saga: Eclipse**

**June 30**

**The Volturi Decide:**

(Volturi talking)

Felix: I'm thirsty.

Demetri: Go get a human then.

Jane: Shut up slut.

Demetri: Make me

Jane: I will you son of a whore-f*cking bastard.

Jane:Oh look it's your mother Felix. Oh, wait that's a man. They look so alike, I couldn't tell the difference.

**Event: (Song: Skinny Dippin' by Whitney Duncan)**

(Vamps walking out of water)

Random newborn: We took off our clothes, threw 'em in the bushes mud between our toes, bare white tushes

Riley: Shut up!

(B's face)

Edward: It's getting hot in here!

**On June 30**

**Comes your secret out of the closet.**

**The world hates you**

**And so does your mother.**

**The Twilight Saga Eclipse**

**June 30**

**Inner Monologue: **

Embry: Welcome to the frat house Bella. Now Jacob won't hit on me.

Paul: I wish I was gay.

Jared: I wish I was straight.

Embry: Maybe I should ask out Mike.

Quil: Maybe I should ask out Mike then be all JK.

Jacob: Who asked you skanks?

Jacob: Bella, this is Leah Clearwater, Harry's daughter.

Bella: I am so sorry that your dad had a heart attack because a vampire that was going to kill me almost killed him.

Leah: I don't want your pity biatch. Oh yeah, and your mom is a raging whore.

Jacob: Sexy, isn't she?

Emily: Bella, wuz up girlfriend? I was wondering what all that noise was.

Jacob: Sam, I love you.

Sam: WTF

**What did you do to me:**

Bree: Will you do me?

Bree: I'm so...

Riley: Hot. I know. We'll find some horny teenage boy. Just don't get pregnant like that slut Bella.

**Say the word:**

Bella: Edward...

Edward: If you ever touch her again so help me...

Bella: Edward, I'm hungry!

Jacob: Your just jealous because your still a virgin.

Edward: Let me tell you: I had sex with that Bree chick other night. IT WAS AWESOME!

Jacob: Cool. She's hot.

Bella: What about me?

Charlie: Take it down a notch. What's up?

Jacob: I f*cked Bella!

**A right to know:**

Edward: Get your feet off the seat, B*tch.

Edward: Good girl.

Bella: Wuz up?

Jacob: Charlie said you went to the doctor.

Bella: Yeah I had a cold. Why?

Edward: He's checking to see if your still pregnant.

Jacob: I'm here to tell you... if your buddy asks me for money again...

Edward: Just leave, now.

Jacob: She has a right to know. You used the money to buy a hooker.

Bella: Victoria? You lied to me!

Edward: I was trying to entertain myself.

Bella: By buying a hooker?

Bella: You why haven't we got together again.

Jacob: You want to now.

Bella: Yeah right now. Let's go.

Edward: Bella...

Bella: Edward, you cheated on me.

Edward: You cheated on me.

Bella: Loose the grin. We're just going for a ride.

Jacob: Oh yes I will ride you.

**Someone we know:**

Carlisle: The doctor's in. Here for a check-up?

Edward: Dad, can we have some money for Bella's abortion?

Esme: Abortion is murder.

Rosalie: What happened to the money Sancho loaned you?

Jasper: He used it on that hooker.

Carlisle: Which hooker?

Bella: Victoria.

Alice: Oh! She's my sister!

Edward: Want to have a threesome?

Alice: No way in hell, big brother. Oh, wait. Vic's preggerz too?

Jasper: That's why you cap it before you tap it.

Rosalie: Another protection detail?

Carlisle: Rosalie.

Edward: I'm not leaving you until you get protection.

Bella: It's not your concern. And I wouldn't be unprotected. I'm on the pill.

**Hate me so much:**

Bella: Rosalie, I don't understand. How come your hair is so blonde?

Rosalie: My hair isn't blond. It is brunette. I'm wearing a wig.

*dramatic pause*

Rosalie: Bella, I need your help.

Bella: With what?

Rosalie: Well, my wig wouldn't stay on, so I super glued to my head. It's been five years, and it still won't come off.

**Doesn't he own a shirt:**

Edward: You need to borrow my shirt?

Bella: Shut up. His abs are sexy.

Edward: And mine aren't?

Bella: Not really. You're to pale.

Jake: Bow chicka wow wow.

Bella: Maybe pale is okay...

Jacob: Hey sex kitten.

Bella: Hey

Jacob: *Thinks sexual things about Bella*

**Ravine Chase:**

Carlisle: Where's Vic? It's almost time for lunch!

Alice: She has Emmett's hamburger!

Emmett: No! Not my hamburger!

Esme: I'm on a mission, and it involves getting Em's burger!

Victoria: No! I'm eating for two now!

Jasper: Almost... miss!

Victoria: ha ha!

**Be honest with me: (I DO NOT HATE TAYLOR. Actually, I'm a big fan XD)**

Bella: Why are you so against me singing 'I'm Only Me When I'm With You'

Edward: I hate Swift!

Bella: Why? She's awesome. Wait, there's more?

Edward: I hate to listen to Taylor Swift, but every time I turn on the radio, she's on. Kanye West was my BFF after the VMAs. No one cares about how many times her boyfriend broke her heart she deserved it! Stupid Bimbo!

Bella: Said the brooding teenage emo guy.

Edward: Whatever Bella.

**Ready:**

Billy: Sancho's coming for his money next week. We must all pay up.

Jacob: Dammit.

Edward: I knew I shouldn't of gave him my address!

**Stupid!**

**The weirdest movie yet!**

Bella: That is pretty stupid.

Jacob: At least I never have to see that hooker again.

**The Twilight Saga Eclipse**

**June 30**

**Epic:**

**Critics agree. The Twilight Saga is gayer than the first two movies combined.**

**It's stupid.**

**-176 stars**

**Awkward and random**

**The Twilight Saga Eclipse**

**June 30**

**What do ya think? Anything worth my parody of the movie?**

**PS: I know it sucks I just needed another update. It was really hard, too. I had to do a frame-by-frame of the trailers to get all the info.**

**Byes! Off to see Eclipse!**


End file.
